August 5, 2013

Monday Mash-up


This week, we’re featuring a 4-way joke battle. Vote for your favorite, and then check back tomorrow to see which was crowned champion!

Joke #1: The Doctor’s Diagnosis

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.

“What’s the matter with me?” he asked.

“You’re not eating properly,” his doctor replied.

Joke #2: The Forgetful Patient

When the doctor came in to to administer his patient’s annual physical, she noticed he looked a little worried. So she immediately asked him if anything was troubling him.

“Well, to tell you the truth, Doc, yes,” he replied, “You see I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I parked the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do when I get there–if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?”

The doctor thought it over for a moment and then replied, “Pay me in advance.”

Joke #3: Measurements

A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The  nurse starts with the basics.

“How much do you weight?” she asks.

“Oh, about 165,” he says.

The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out his weight is 196. She then asks, “Your height?”

“Oh, about 6 ft.,” he says.

The nurse checks and sees he’s only 5 ft. 8 in. She then takes his blood pressure and finds that it’s very high.

“High!” the man exclaims, “Well, what do you expect? When I came in here I was tall and lanky, now I’m short and fat!”

Joke #4: A Strange Prescription

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him he hadn’t been feeling well lately.

The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with 3 different bottles of pills.

The doctor said, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, “Jeez, Doc, what’s wrong with me?”

The doctor replied, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

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