June 24, 2013

Monday Mash-up

They say laughter is the best medicine, so laughing at medical jokes must be twice as effective, right? Here are some of our favorites…

#1- The Best Cure

If you have a lot of tension and get a lot of headaches, do what it says on the aspirin bottle, “Take two and keep away from children.”

#2- I Hurt All Over!

A young woman went to the doctor complaining of pain. “You have to help me,” she cried, “I hurt all over!”

“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “Try to be a little more specific.”

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow that hurts!” Then she touched her left cheek and, again, yelled, “Ouch! That hurts too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts,” she bellowed, bursting into tears.

The doctor checked her thoroughly and announced his diagnosis: “You have a broken finger.”

#3- Rules Are Rules

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, Julie found one elderly gentleman—already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet—who insisted he didn’t need any help leaving the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let Julie wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, she asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said, “she’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”

#4- Call Me On My Iron

A guy came into the hospital with two burned ears.

When the doctor asked him how it happened, he replied, “I was ironing my clothes, and the phone rang…but instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear.”

“But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor asked.

“How do you think I called you people?!”

#5- Tetanus! Measles! Flu!

A nursing student at the hospital was perplexed by Dr. Smith’s behavior. On and off throughout her shift Dr. Smith would run up and down the hallway, yelling, “Tetanus, measles, flu!”

Very curious, the student asked the head nurse, “Why does Dr. Smith keep doing that?”

“Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse replied, “He thinks he calls the shots around here.”

#6-  The Right Coverage

Q: How is a hospital gown like insurance?

A: You’re never covered as much as you think you are.

#7- Congrats, You Just Had…

Three men were at a hospital waiting for their babies to be born.

The nurse comes in and tells the first man, “Congratulations, you just had twins!” He said, “That’s wild, because I work for Twin Gates Electric Company.”

Another nurse comes in and tells the second man, “Congratulations, you just had triplets!” He said, “Man, that’s uncanny because I work for 3M company.”

Upon hearing all this, the third man gets up from his chair and starts toward the door. The nurse says, “Wait sir, your wife hasn’t had her baby yet. Where are you going?”

The man replies, “Heck lady, I’m leaving while I can…I work for 7Up!”

#8- How Do Doctors Do It?

Q: How do doctors always seem to keep their cool when lives are on the line and chaos is ensuing?

A: They have a lot of patients

Which one of our jokes hit your funny bone the hardest? Vote below, or tell us which of your favorite jokes we SHOULD have included.  If you make us laugh, we might even include it in our next group of jokes 🙂

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Filed under Daily Blog Posts, Monday Mash Up

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